About Me

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I met my husband about 6 years ago and we got pregnant about a year into our relationship. He is 4 now and such an amazing kid! We have been struggling to have a successful pregnancy for 2 years now, with 4 miscarriages all in the first tri-mester

What does it all mean??

TTC= trying to conceive

BBT= basal body temperature

HPT= home pregnancy test

OPK= ovulation predictor kit

BFP= big fat positive (what we want!)

BFN= big fat negative (what we loathe...)




What's been going on?

Dec 2004: Met Derek at a friends birthday dinner (and didn't like him lol!)

Feb 2006: Conceived Owen by surprise

Sept 22, 2006: Derek and I got married

Nov 6, 2006: Owen was born!

Nov 2008: Decide to TTC for #2

Jan 2009: Longest cycle ever, take HPT and got a BFP. Go to dr and find out we're mid miscarriage

May 2009: BFP!

June 2009: Go to DR for first OB appointment to find no heartbeat, off to hospital for D&C. Told to wait 3 months before TTC again

Dec 2009: BFP and one week later start bleeding, miscarriage #3

Jan 2010: Go in to see DR, check blood and all organs working well, and ovulating well.

April 2010: Another BFP. About a week later start bleeding again, miscarriage #4.

May 2010: Talk to my DR, has me wait 6 months before TTC again.

Sept 2010: Go to follow up with DR, has me start taking prenatal vitamins, baby asprin and progesterone 48 hours after ovulation (to take until my cycle starts, or reach 13 weeks in a pregnancy)

March 7th 2011: BFP!!!!! (over the next few days I ended up taking 4 tests to be for sure positive)

April 4th 2011: First OB appointment... saw lil baby on ultrasound and STRONG heartbeat of 175 bpm.

June 27th 2011: Second ultrasound, we're having a lil boy!

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Monday, June 14, 2010

12 months later...

here I am. One year after the big miscarriage. I've done a lot of crying and screaming. I can honestly say I didn't think I would be as upset as I was one year ago. I'm so frustrated with my body and the fact that there has been 2 more miscarriages since... I can't even begin to explain the disappointment I feel. I can look people in the eye and tell them how I know it's for the best and I can't imagine moving to Hawaii pregnant or with a small baby and I've gotten really good at telling this lie. The truth is that my entire being aches to have more kids. I don't care when, where or how, I just love being a mom, Derek is such an amazing dad and I know Owen will be the best big brother... I'm taking the crib apart my mom bought before this miscarriage and I am fighting with so many emotions... part of me feels like this will be the last time I will ever see it up, and part of me is daydreaming of that little miracle that may be in it one day. I can't help but lean toward the negative and I hate that about myself. I hate that I still think about the miscarriages everyday and I hate that I feel I burden people with my emotions. There are a few new babies that have been born and a few girls who've announced their pregnancy and I can't help but twinge with envy... it's so hard. I wish someone understood how I feel.