having a day

I'm super tired... sick and I have 3 kids who won't listen to a word I say today. I just want to quit. Say I'm done and walk upstairs and take a nap, but that's not possible. These darn progesterone pills make me tired, and cranky, so that doesn't help one bit! This isn't exactly where I saw myself... watching other people's kids. I love these kids, but it's not easy sometimes. I miss the days in Hawaii where it was just me and Owen. I got so much done and I could just watch some tv, put on a movie for Owen and have quiet time. The only quiet time I get is nap time. When Owen was a baby my house was spotless! And when I didn't have the kids during Christmas break, I had everything caught up. Ugh, it's just one of those days where everything kinda piles up and I hate life in general lol! Ask me tomorrow and I may be having a blast watching the kids! haha!

New Year

So this new year is well welcomed. I can't say that 2010 was a bad year... I only had one miscarriage (huge drop since 3 in 2009), we were employed the whole year, we are all healthy and for goodness sakes we got to live in HAWAII!!!! I can't say it was a bad year after that ;]

This year I'm looking forward to warmer weather here in WA (it was 15 degress driving home last night!), Owen finishing his first year of preschool, a new niece or nephew and lots of amazing memories with friends and family. I don't have a resolution... I don't want to set myself up for failure and get down on myself for not following through (which I am so good at). The last 2 years I have had a goal of getting pregnant or having a baby that year... I don't want to have that goal simply to not be heart broken at the end of the year. So, instead I'm focusing on what is here now... my husband, son, friends and family. Happy New Year everyone!!!

Blessed

I feel amazingly blessed right now. I got a call from a friend to see how I was doing with the announcement of my sisters pregnancy. I didn't do too well with the initial announcement in early Dec. (it happens with every pregnancy announcement... a bit of depression along with envy) but now I'm really excited. It was just too sweet of her to check on me... she had some difficulty getting pregnant with her 2nd (miscarriages and a tubal pregnancy) and she knows exactly how I feel. I thank God for her!

niece or nephew??

Well, the cat's out of the bag! My sister is pregnant and expecting her first in August 2011! I'm excited to get to experience the whole Aunt thing... She's 2 years older and I got married and had a baby first, so she's a pro at being an aunt lol! My oldest sister has 2 kids, but has lived in either San Diego or Idaho, so I don't get to be an active aunt. I'm excited to spoil a sweet little one!

Ugh

As I write this, Derek is on his way to Oregon for work this week... an guess who hasn't ovulated yet?? THIS GIRL! Kinda frustrating really... I'm trying to tell myself that if I don't get pregnant, then it's just not our time, but sheesh! I'm kinda bummed... we may not have a September baby and we'll be one more month closer to having babies exactly 5 years apart.

Christmas is over!

I must admit that I'm a little sad it's all over. We had so much fun and were blessed with lots of great times with great family. Owen made out with so many presents and he was spun up from all the excitement! I am hoping to get all the decorations packed up and get this house clean. I just need my sons energy to do it all, cause I'm exhausted!

I am looking forward to the new year... 2011 is going to be a good one, I can feel it! This time last year we were dealing with our 3rd miscarriage and having to replace the transmission on our 2006 Escape. I am thankful that this year we were blessed to have no heartbreak or car troubles at Christmas-time. I also can't help but think we were supposed to have a brand new baby this month... I'm not too sad, thankfully, but it is still something I think about. The good thing is that I haven't been pregnant for 9 months now and we haven't had another miscarriage, so I will focus on that! Last night we went to Morton for our annual family bon fire/pot luck. I got to love on my cousin Braxton again, and it my baby fever wasn't high enough, Derek wanted to hold him and play with him. It hurts my heart more knowing that he wants a baby just as bad, if not worse than I do. My cousin Stacey couldn't have said it better though... it's just not our time... it will happen when it's the right time. No, this doesn't take the pain away, but it helps knowing God has a bigger plan for us.

I hope every one had a great Christmas and got as spoiled as I did!!! ;]

a rough day

Once again, I'm left with this horrible feeling... this time I'm not the one who lost a baby. It was a friend of mine. She's worked so hard and put so much effort, prayers and money into conceiving this baby... and only to lose it. It breaks my heart. I have cried for her and then find myself feeling all of the same emotions I get when I have a miscarriage. I doubt God, I get mad, and lose any gumption I once had. I don't want to lose faith that God can and will do amazing things for both of us, but with this being her second miscarriage and with me having 4... I feel like almost all faith is lost. Why?? She's an amazing person who deserves all of the babies she wants and she's had 2 so horribly taken from her! It just makes me angry...