my test results

Last night I got a paper in the mail from my Dr. It was my results from the blood test taken last Friday. Everything is normal and I'm perfectly healthy. Which in a way settles my mind, but in other ways makes me more confused. I mean, if I'm one healthy girl and all of my body seems to be functioning normally, then why am I having so many miscarriages? What is going wrong? Am I just having bad luck or is it something I'm doing when I get pregnant? So, with all of this good news comes more uncertainty. I'm still terrified to get pregnant again in fear of losing yet another baby... but I don't want to give up the hope of having another child just yet either... ugh, this is so hard!

so it's my due date today

This took me by surprise today... I just looked at the date January 12th. And not a single emotion rose up in me. That really surprised me. I'm ok with it. I'm ok with not having a baby... God didn't intend on us having one now for whatever reasons. Today is just like any other day really... just going on with my day of taking care of the kids and reading my book for bible study tonight. Thank you God for helping me see passed this day as a bad day and letting me enjoy it!!!

what the dr says

I went to the Dr this afternoon to talk about what is going wrong with me. We just talked about the 3 miscarriages, and what could possibly be the problem. I will go in next week to get some blood work done. They will check my hormone levels and do some other tests, but he wants to make sure I've ovulated. I guess that after you ovulate, your body produces more progesterone. So, if that doesn't happen we will have to figure out some other reason why I've had so many miscarriages. He seems optimistic considering we have Owen already and he was a healthy pregnancy. As for me, I'm just not even entertaining the idea of having another baby... too much heartache in too little time for me to want it now. If it happens it happens, but I'm not "trying" anymore.