About Me

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I met my husband about 6 years ago and we got pregnant about a year into our relationship. He is 4 now and such an amazing kid! We have been struggling to have a successful pregnancy for 2 years now, with 4 miscarriages all in the first tri-mester

What does it all mean??

TTC= trying to conceive

BBT= basal body temperature

HPT= home pregnancy test

OPK= ovulation predictor kit

BFP= big fat positive (what we want!)

BFN= big fat negative (what we loathe...)




What's been going on?

Dec 2004: Met Derek at a friends birthday dinner (and didn't like him lol!)

Feb 2006: Conceived Owen by surprise

Sept 22, 2006: Derek and I got married

Nov 6, 2006: Owen was born!

Nov 2008: Decide to TTC for #2

Jan 2009: Longest cycle ever, take HPT and got a BFP. Go to dr and find out we're mid miscarriage

May 2009: BFP!

June 2009: Go to DR for first OB appointment to find no heartbeat, off to hospital for D&C. Told to wait 3 months before TTC again

Dec 2009: BFP and one week later start bleeding, miscarriage #3

Jan 2010: Go in to see DR, check blood and all organs working well, and ovulating well.

April 2010: Another BFP. About a week later start bleeding again, miscarriage #4.

May 2010: Talk to my DR, has me wait 6 months before TTC again.

Sept 2010: Go to follow up with DR, has me start taking prenatal vitamins, baby asprin and progesterone 48 hours after ovulation (to take until my cycle starts, or reach 13 weeks in a pregnancy)

March 7th 2011: BFP!!!!! (over the next few days I ended up taking 4 tests to be for sure positive)

April 4th 2011: First OB appointment... saw lil baby on ultrasound and STRONG heartbeat of 175 bpm.

June 27th 2011: Second ultrasound, we're having a lil boy!

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Thursday, November 18, 2010

no one

I am completely exhuasted... emotionally and physically. I cried most of the night last night. Another person is pregnant and once again it isn't me. I am happy for this person because I know how much she wants it. I hate that this side of me comes out... I wish I could just sit back and not stress. But when this has been my focus for 2 years now, how can I not stress? No one really understands fully... and those people who I talk to are very obviously sick and tired of me hurting. So, I guess I will have to pour out my feelings here?? It kinda sucks going through all this and now going through it alone.

I thought I was fine with not being pregnant and this always hits me like a ton of bricks when another person gets pregnant. I cried most of the evening and because of the response I got to my pain, I didn't even tell Derek how upset I am. I don't want to bore people with it... so here I write... no one really reads this besides me anyways...
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3 comments:

  1. StepheniNovember 18, 2010 at 10:03 AM

    You are not alone. I know that you put a front on and say that you are ok with not being pregnant, and I go along with it. Not because I am tired of hearing about your pain, but because I don't want to make it worse by bringing it up. Please know that while I do not fully understand your pain, I understand that you are in pain. I understand that it just isn't going to "go away" I understand that you need to pretend to be tough to get through it.
    Please know that I love you for you. Like you I want the world to see and know the "edited" version of myself. It feels so good to have a friend like you that can see me with all of my flaws and still care.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Zac,Hannah,Truss and ColeNovember 18, 2010 at 5:27 PM

    I read your blog, and while I cannot begin to understand what you are going through, I pray for you every time I read another post.
    Praying you can rest in Him and trust in His goodness despite everything that is shouting in your face saying the opposite.

    ReplyDelete
  3. SHEDOESNovember 23, 2010 at 8:35 PM

    With ya sister. You're not alone, even though we feel a bit left behind. I hate this path and I hate we share it! Our time will come. You're stronger than you think

    ReplyDelete

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