knife to the heart

Oh man, I just went onto thebump.com and when I logged in (which has been forever) it said I had a 12 week old baby. Well, according to my last miscarriage I would have had a 3 month old now. I think I subconsciously didn't log into this site for many reasons. This must've been one. I had to go into my account and delete that pregnancy. Man, talk about a knife to the heart. I'm hoping to get more advice on TTC after multiple losses and TTC for 29 months. So, here goes!

so long, no post

I've been one BUSY girl! Just to give you an idea of how busy I've been, last Saturday I was home for a total of about 2 hours between waking up and going to bed. I'm just running ragged! So, that's why I haven't been blogging. I have a day off without kids and I'm enjoying it by just sitting on the couch with my laptop and some dvr'd shows ;] Hopefully I will stay this low key for a while.

What the heck?

This morning I woke up about 7 and took the ole BBT... rolled over and fell back to sleep. I dreamt that we were given a 1 year old boy. His name was Hudson and he had really dark hair. In my dream he fell asleep on me, and after he fell asleep Owen came up to me and laid on me too. And since dreams never make sense, we were all of a sudden at a fair like place. I lost Hudson... and I was yelling for him and running all over the place, my family was there, but they weren't helping me try to find him. Then I woke up.

This dream is really weird to me because before I had my second miscarriage, Derek and I had chosen the name Hudson for the baby if it was a boy. That baby would be just a little over a year old now had I not miscarried... this is making my mind go a little crazy.

what a relief!

I had my Dr appointment today. It was a prescription follow-up. Thank God, she just wanted to check in and make sure I'm still taking my BBT every day and that it is going up mid month. Also, making sure I'm taking my prenatal vitamins, baby asprin and progesterone 48 hours after ovulation. She wrote me up my progesterone prescription and we were done! Thank the Lord that it was an easy one. I didn't want to have to be put on any more meds for sure. Thank you to those who prayed! You all mean so much to me :]

ugh

I forgot to call my Dr to get my refill of progesterone. So the pharmacy I use, faxed the office and the office denied my refill. They want me to come in. I'm a little frustrated. I will lose a day of pay because I can't take 3 kids to the Dr with me, and I didn't want to make an appointment with her until I had 6 failed months under my belt. The only thing good is that she might be able to give me a pregnancy test (early) and maybe we've been successful? Please be praying that everything checks out OK and that I won't have to be on any more meds or be referred to a specialist.


Oh, and I also have a chiropractor appointment tomorrow evening because I took a really hard fall Friday at the Costco gas station. I slipped on ice and fell super hard on my left hip. It's been giving me a little pain since Saturday night. I did run another 5k Saturday morning, injured hip and all... and I got 3rd in my age range!!!

I had a dream

A dream that I was pregnant... and I was very happy because it was the longest I had been pregnant in a long time. I was 7 weeks if I remember correctly (my dreams don't always make much sense) and that is all I remember of the dream. You see, the progesterone pills give me the "weird pregnancy dreams" that you get while pregnant, while I'm not. I hate the weird dreams, especially when I wake up happy, to realize I'm not 7 weeks pregnant ;]

why?

Over the last 2+ years, I would often wonder why I went through what I've gone through. I know God had a reason, and a plan. I don't know the whole plan just yet, but I do know that he knew that I'd be able to comfort women who've gone through the same. I am able to sympathize with them and understand their feelings like no one else can. I often wished for someone to talk to who knew what I was going through. And not only someone who has been through miscarriages, but someone who has dealt with TTC and the difficulties of it. I'm thankful for the people who've I've been able to become close to after all of this.