Thursday, November 19, 2009
it still hurts
It's been a little over 5 months since I lost my baby... there is a lot that goes through my mind each day. Things like I would be 32 weeks along, I would know if I were having a boy or a girl, I'd be showing and getting ready for some maternity pictures. My heart hurts when I think of these things, but it is hard to stop my mind from going there. Especially when I know over 20 girls who are pregnant right now. It's an insane number regardless of my loss, but in the midst of the healing I can't help but see these pregnant women as a reminder of what I don't have. It's tough... Each and every woman is amazing... they all deserve to be happy and have healthy babies, they're so fortunate and I am sure they all know they are. I become green with envy... just wanting what they have so badly. Keeping my eyes toward God is my focus during this journey, or should I say challenge. He knows when I will have a healthy pregnancy and it will be the perfect time. He won't give that to me until it is the right time. Patience has not been my strong point, but God for sure is teaching it to me now.
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